Vulnerable is when you feel exposed, unprotected, weak. You know you bruise easily, but you lay it all out anyway. This is you being you. “Please tread lightly,” you whisper. “Handle with care.” Because you have to be brave enough to expose the real you out in the world. You could get hurt, but that is part of the deal. People could reject you, and that is part of the deal too. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is the only way to true intimacy, because it is the only way to be your authentic self.
(Recipe for Far Breton below the story! It is a kind of traditional French pudding, and it looks nice when it hasn’t been smashed.)
“I Don’t Do Vulnerability”
(aka…I’d rather be inauthentic and guarded)
“Why don’t you ever talk about yourself?”
I click on my keyboard and try to concentrate on the email that needed to go out an hour ago.
“Hmmm? I don’t know what you mean,” I say. Concentration is hard. Andrew heads up the research and development department. He’s as fine as a summer day, and smells like cookies. So much goodness in one package. Unbelievable!
“Well, tell me what you would do if you won a million dollars.”
He sits on the little side chair in my cubicle, waiting for my answer. I love his little afternoon visits, our knees almost touching. A girl like me never sat by boys like him in school. Mostly because I had dropped out of school. Working with Andrew is the best part of this job. Maybe this job is the best part of my life. I don’t want to blow it. I can’t go back to living on food stamps and crashing on couches. Not that I’d ever tell Andrew that.
If I won a million dollars, I’d invest it all into the market and make sure I’d be earning compound interest. I want security more than anything. Maybe I’d keep a few thousand and treat myself to a vacation. I could buy a vacation for two and take him along! I’m about to say my answer but wonder if this is too selfish. Andrew is so good and exemplary. A person like him might start a foundation to help villages in Africa get access to clean water. He might not want to hang out with me in my cubicle if he thought I was more concerned about myself than others.
“What would you do?” I dodge the question, searching for hints on what he’d prefer to do with sudden wealth.
“You’re cheating. I don’t want an answer that has been tainted by influence. If you can’t tell me the truth, then I don’t want to hear it.” he says. He waits a moment longer. Only the sound of me typing and deleting the words: safety net, can be heard.
“See. You never talk about yourself.” The chair squeaks as he gets up and leaves.
I go back to writing the email, sad that he is gone, and wondering if he will come back tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I tell myself. Tomorrow I will have the perfect answer.
Vulnerability: Eat Your Emotions - Far BretonPrint This
- 250g blueberries
- 125g (1 cup) all purpose flour
- 3g (1/2 tsp) salt
- 4 eggs
- 100g (1/2 cup) sugar
- 1 liter (1 quart) milk, whole
- 2 Tbsp Rum
tips for success:
- butter well your casserole dish
- to avoid lumps, stream in the milk slowly as you beat and mix
- Preheat oven to 400 F
- Whisk together vigorously, the sugar, salt and eggs.
- Whisk in the flour
- Whisk in the milk and the rum
- Place blueberries into your buttered casserole dish.
- Pour batter over blueberries
- Bake at 400 F for 15 minutes. Reduce the temperature to 340 F. Far Breton is done when edges are browned and center is set.