There is someone out there for everyone. Right? But how does it happen? Who is in charge of destiny and when will that perfect person plop down in front of us?
Many people like to say, “If it happens, it happens.” And then if it does happen, we think it is some divine intervention. Fate. We believe it to be the most special and unique thing that could ever happen to us.
I’m not saying that love isn’t special. BUT, most people fall in love multiple times throughout their lives. EACH time is special, but it probably won’t be the ONLY time. It is not fated to be. It came to be because you put in the effort to make it be. Just like getting a job.
We don’t approach our work life in that way. We never say, “A job…if it happens, it happens.” Such passivity would only lead to being destitute. We get very specific about what jobs we want to take on. We weigh out what the perks are, how rewarding it could be, and how much effort we are able and willing to put in. Before we even get to that job searching phase, we first invest years in developing a certain skill set. There’s school, internships, residencies… Finding a soulmate is just the same.
- First, you have to know yourself.
- Then, you have to be yourself.
- Finally, you search out someone who likes being around you. They like being around you, not because you are perfect, but because you are flawed in ways that they find tolerable, maybe even endearing.
Often, we skip straight to step 3. We look for someone who will like us, so we can then like ourselves. This is a disaster. Because we prop ourselves up with clothes, or jokes that aren’t really ours as we date, and basically lie to people so they will fall for us. You may even fall for your own lie, telling yourself that one day you WILL BE that person you are presenting to the lovely face across the dinner table. Once they like us, we congratulate ourselves and say, “How did I ever trick you into liking me?” When we know very well that it was a trick from the beginning. Once we reveal our true selves, they fall out of love with us, and we blame the other partner for not loving us ENOUGH.
Well, that is one way the scenario could play out. Lots of other things could happen, but much of the drama could be avoided if we went through steps 1 and 2, before attempting step 3. Maybe it’s not you who skipped to step 3. Maybe it is THEM. They don’t know who they are, and they’re stumbling around trying on different hats, expecting you to love their chameleon ways.
Finally, you can say, “It’s not me…It’s YOU!”
Maybe the best date we could ever go on is to show up at someone’s home for breakfast, unannounced. Who they are on a random Thursday morning is probably their best self. If you try this, and the person doesn’t think you’re crazy, and you like their bed head hair, you’ve got a keeper!
The whole point of having a soulmate is to share your souls. If you don’t know what your soul is saying, how are you going to share it with anyone? Knowing yourself is key. Being yourself opens the gate.
If you have taken the time to invest in yourself, and you’re ready for that “job search” phase…the key has been turned and the gate is open!…you may be waiting for a rush of people to come flocking towards you, but all you hear are crickets. Where is everyone?
If you really want someone (or multiple people) to share your days with, you have to go meet people. Sure, it could be the person waiting with you on the platform at the train station. Or it could be the person sitting next to you on a plane. It could be anyone. The main thing is that you’re THERE. You got out of the house and stood among people, letting them see you be your beautiful true self.